In the beginning....

In the beginning things between me and Jason were great. Aren't things usually great though when you just start seeing someone? We talked, had great sex, went places, bought things, it was all good. All good until I discovered he had meth addiction. All good until I discovered he wanted me to dedicate ALL of my time to just him, to the point where he asked me to stop working to just be with him. It got pretty overwhelming so I broke it off. We were together at that point for a mere 2 months. I had started dating someone else and then it happened.....I found out I was pregnant. Uh-Oh! Unfortunately for me I was with the both men sexually around the same time. I knew in my heart that the baby was Jason's but still there was the slight possibility of it not being his. I told Derrick, my new boyfriend, that I was pregnant and what the situation was. So he knew FROM DAY 1, that there was a slight chance, and I mean SLIGHT chance that the baby could be his. I felt that telling Derrick was the right thing to do and I don't think I would be alone in thinking that. Anyway..... I didn't tell Jason that I was pregnant. At the time my rational was that I would rather do it all on my own then have my baby subjected to the lifestyles of a meth addict. Time rolls on as it does, I get HUGE!!! Like an extra 70 pound huge! That wasn't all baby, imagine that!! July 22nd comes and here I have a bouncing baby girl. Prior to delivery and with added pressures from various family members, I had decided to try and find Jason because drug addict or no, he still had the right to, at the very least, know he had a child coming. I drove around this parents neighborhood trying to remember the street, the way his parents' house looked, anything I could. All I remembered was that his sister had a white van at the time which later on I found out she no longer had by the time I went looking. I couldn't find him, so I gave up. My baby girl was born in July and life goes on as it normally does. October of that same year rolls around. I was hanging out at home with my sister, her husband and kids, and her friend. They had asked me to go to the corner store to get them some more alcohol so I left. I went in and bought them the Smirnoff they had asked for and was on my way out back to my car. As I was opening the door to leave I saw Jason. He looked terrible. He was so skinny, just bones it looked like. His cheek bones protruded and his eyes were sunken in. His lips and fingernails were had a blue tint to them and his eyes were black and hollow. He was just barely hanging on to life and looked as though he was going to fall down and die at any given moment. I wanted to get in my car and leave so bad but instead I called out his name. He asked me to wait for him and went in the store. I waited. When he came back out we were talked for a minute or two and I just blurted out "You look like you are about to die and how long have you been up?" I was shocked at his reply. He told me about a week and a half, he thinks. HE DIDN'T REALLY KNOW!!! We just stood there silent for a minute. He looked at my car and kind of did a double take. "Is that your carseat" he asked me. I told him that I had a daughter that was 3 months old. He just said "Oh". It took him a minute and I could see his fingers move as though he was using them to count. He was. He said "Is she mine?" I told him what the situation was and then asked him to get in the car so I could take him to get something to eat. He locked "his" car up and we left. I put his in quotes because it was stolen. Thats what he did, he stole cars. He said he wanted to come in and see her but not like that. I agreed. I certainly didn't want my daughter, no matter how small, or my family to see him like that.